Have you ever wondered what bit of advice you would give your 20 year old self, from the wisdom of a few decades down the road? To trust yourself more, and others less? To let go of hurts and disappointments and embrace as much of the goodness as possible? To pursue God with wholehearted devotion?
Yes, all of these. And for my artistic self, this one:
I came across this 'poster' of Ira Glass's YouTube talk a few days ago and immediately thought, "YES!" This was exactly what I needed to hear when I was 20 and feeling like I was travelling down the wrong road. I had been chasing an art degree for several years. First at a local university and then, to my amazement, I was accepted into a premier design school. In California, no less!
I arrived and discovered I was one of the younger students there. Many had their undergraduate degrees already. Some even had Masters degrees. And a few more had years of work experience under their belts, too! I was just a wide-eyed ingenue far, far from home. And excited about the adventure ahead!
The downside of being on my own was a lack of counsel. So when my coursework didn't match my high expectations (in spite of high marks), I became disheartened. There is one afternoon of painting with a friend that became pivotal for me. He was painting, as usual, a vibrant, realistic, highly conceptual illustration. I was struggling to get any semblance of spark into my piece. Frustrated, I said, "I don't think I can be an artist. My work doesn't breathe life like yours does. It might be technically sound, but it is missing that extra something." My friend, ever the encourager, said, "Maybe you could be an Art Director then. You always steer me in the right direction when I can't put my finger on what to do. Just because you can't do it doesn't mean you don't know what needs to be done."
And that was pretty much the end of it. It was not his fault. His words made so much sense to me then. I put away the drawing pads, and retired the paint and brushes soon after a final attempt to complete the degree. Universities and art schools do not 'talk' the same language and didn't (at that time) credit the work done at the other. So after 5 years of full-time study, and advice from an instructor and design studio guru (Jerry Herring) that I was ready for a career, I quit on the degree just short of completion and got a full time job.
I was hired as a production artist for a small book publisher and within months had eagerly learned to do everything from typesetting to production to book design, illustrating several projects along the way, and given a new title of Art Director. So it seemed my friend - and Jerry - had been right. For the next decade I worked in a variety of environments and had clients of my own, mixing with other creatives and those in the graphic arts trade. They were fun and challenging years.
And yet decades later I often wake in the night and begin wondering what might have happened had I kept drawing and painting. Fruitless thoughts - but the kind that fill the darkness nonetheless.
I pulled out the old student portfolio the other night. Part of me could not believe the work I saw was mine, and part of me remembers each stroke. There was nothing masterful there, but coming from a more objective place now, I couldn't help but wonder why I stopped. It looked like I was having fun and ... had potential as a fine artist after all.
What would you tell your 20 year old self?
The layout features papers from
Design House Digital by
Agnes Biro, "Flower of Naturalness" plus recoloured paper from a discontinued kit by
Anne Quade's Fishbowl called "Just Green". The title paper strips were pulled from
Janet Carr's "Love Papers".
The self portrait drawing was a class assignment when I was 19 and the photo is of me sitting with my artwork before submitting it as part of my application to the Art Center College of Design. Sadly, I wore paint splattered overalls and flannel shirts much too often at this stage of life. But that is another discussion for my 20-year-old self!
